If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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