How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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