You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
