Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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