...so i touched it.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sorry my hands just texted you
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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