When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
