i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I intend to get homeless drunk
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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