this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
being pregnant is like rehab
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
