I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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