Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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