Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
