There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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