i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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