i barfeds in our rink
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
