I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I need mimosas to revive my soul
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
