At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
