she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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