woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
