I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
