I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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