Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Randomize
