It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
