Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
