Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
