a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We left an ass print on the piano.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
