Do you still have your period?
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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