I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
