Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
