holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
