good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Nobody cheats on THIS.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
