Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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