like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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