we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Dick very happy bro
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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