Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
