I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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