i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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