a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Watching her eat just hurts me
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
