if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
