I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
