In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
there's paper in my vomit.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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