I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
