Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
