he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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