he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
