I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
