smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
