So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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