any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize