Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
