my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
