do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
