I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
