it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
