Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
