i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
