I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Randomize
