My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
