lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Your cock deserves a montage
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
