so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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