you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
