I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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