Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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