I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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