I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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