Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
