Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
