my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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