I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
