Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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