So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
