Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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