Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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