I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
