I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
