I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
