He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
